Dads at the birth
When the due date is near, make sure your partner can always get in touch with you easily. Your support during the labour and birth will be a huge comfort to her and you have a practical role too. Trust your intuition and judgment as to what's needed and ask for feedback.
Second stage and birth
© DK
Helping your partner and watching your baby being born is an overwhelming experience for all fathers. The second stage is hard work for mothers, but there are ways you can really help your partner during this stage, so that you can feel as involved in your baby's birth as possible.
Practical help
If you've been going to antenatal classes together, you'll already have worked out together the positions that your partner thinks will be best for her when giving birth. Help her to get into the position she feels is right, and support her there. This may not be the one she thought of using, nor even be among the ones you've practised. That doesn't matter; just support her in whatever position she feels comfortable in at the time. Keep encouraging her all the time throughout the second stage, and keep in physical contact so she knows you're with her all the way.
Dad's role during birth
If you can see your baby's head as it crowns, describe it to your partner or hold a mirror for her so she can see the head too - this will be a huge encouragement to her. Don't get in the midwife's way, though, as she'll need to be able to monitor your baby's progress second by second. Once your baby is fully out, let your partner know what sex it is, even if you'd been told this during the pregnancy. It's a good idea to say that you have a son or a daughter, not just “it's a boy”, or “it's a girl”; the words “son” and “daughter” express family feelings. If the midwife agrees, clamp and cut your baby's cord yourself. It's a fantastic moment - the moment your baby really becomes an individual being.
Sharing feelings
When your baby is born, share the first minutes of your child's life with your partner. You'll probably be very emotional and if you feel like weeping, don't hold back. By all means photograph or film your partner and baby, but don't do this instead of helping them if they need you. They're more important than anything else.
Meeting your baby
This is the moment you've waited nine months for, the moment when you can take your baby in your arms together for the first time. Everything you've just gone through will feel worthwhile. Your midwife will probably lay the baby on your partner's tummy or give him to one of you to hold while the cord is clamped and cut; take your shirt off so your baby can feel and smell your skin. Hold him close to your face and let him look up into yours. Share this moment and savour it; this is a meeting that will change both your lives forever. You'll never forget this experience - the moment when you claim your new status as parents.
Dad's role after the birth
You may feel as emotionally exhausted as your partner after the birth, but don't forget how physically exhausting labour and birth is for a woman. Because your partner is so tired she may not appear to experience quite the same emotions as you.
Your partner's reactions
You'll probably feel a wave of euphoria once your baby's born, but, particularly if labour has been long and arduous, your partner may be just too tired to enjoy this same “buzz” immediately. Just hold her close and let her know how proud you are of her and of your new son or daughter. Stay with them both for as long as possible after the birth, and help get them settled into the postnatal ward.
Posted 16.11.2010
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