Dads during labour
Your partner will need you with her once labour starts. You may feel that the medical staff have everything under control and there's not a lot you can do, but there is and it's important for you to be there and to be loving and intimate with your partner.
© DK
Whatever you're feeling like yourself, try to be slow and gentle, quiet and reassuring. Don't try to do too much and get in the way of the medical staff or become an irritation to your partner; always give her space when she wants it. Be positive and don't criticize her; she needs plenty of praise, encouragement, and sympathy to keep her going.
Practical help during labour
There are lots of things you can do to help your partner cope with the discomfort and the pain of giving birth. Get her a warm hot-water bottle if she's got backache, refresh her with sprays of water or a cool flannel if she's too hot, and give her sips of water if her mouth is dry. If she wants to go without pain relief, encourage her while it seems reasonable, but if she asks for it, don't put her off. She's the one who's in pain. You'll certainly have talked about it beforehand and she may at that time have been quite adamant that she didn't want pain relief. But if she changes her mind in labour don't argue with her; nobody can possibly know how they're going to feel when giving birth until it actually happens.
Seeking explanations
Talk to the midwife or doctor if you don't understand what's happening, or if you're worried. They're there to help both of you, and they have your partner's and your baby's best interests at heart. At the same time, don't let the hospital staff and their machines become the focus of your attention. Your job is to support your partner.
Your partner's moods during labour
Keep your sense of humour; if your partner shouts - or swears - at you, or seems to get angry or overwrought, take it in your stride. It's her way of coping with a very stressful situation and quite often happens, particularly at the transition phase of the first stage of labour.
Treat it as a positive step towards the birth - it's a sign that the second stage of labour isn't far off.
Coping with the unexpected
- Well before your baby is due, talk to your partner about any special situations that could come up. Make sure you know her views and preferences. Bear in mind, though, that she may change her mind when it comes to the point.
- Unless it's an absolute emergency, talk through any interventions suggested and ask questions if anything isn't clear. But remember that the final decision is hers.
- If your medical attendants suggest something you know your partner wants to avoid, try to buy time. For instance, if labour has slowed, suggest a change of position before starting measures to accelerate labour.
- If the medical team decides the labour needs monitoring with high-tech equipment, try not to be distracted by it. Concentrate on your partner, not the machines.
- If the medical team does have to intervene, it's not your partner's fault. These things happen.
- Whatever happens, talk about it afterwards with your partner, but also with friends and, if necessary, health professionals. You'll have a lot of feelings to work through.
Posted 16.11.2010
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