Partner's role in labour
The more secure and relaxed a mother feels during labour, the better she'll be able to cope. Her partner is the natural person to give this loving support. Otherwise, a friend who's had children makes a good birth coach.
Understanding your role in labour
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It's normal to feel nervous about the idea of supporting at a birth, so the best thing to do is prepare yourself. Find out as much as you can so you're able to help the mother meet the physical and emotional demands of labour. At antenatal classes there'll be demonstrations to describe labour's onset and the effect of contractions, and you'll be taught techniques to help her relax.
If it's going to be a hospital birth, visit the hospital's labour and delivery rooms and introduce yourself to the staff. If the birth is to be at home, make sure you know the route to hospital in case of an emergency, and find out all you'll need to do; trust will create a calmer atmosphere.
How to help during labour
You may have a very active role throughout the labour and birth, but sometimes your presence is all the mother needs. Make sure you're very familiar with her birth plan and the alternative version and that you know all her wishes.
Use your intuition
Judge the situation by observing your partner's moods. She may want to stay quiet, going through contractions alone without being touched. Or she may need lots of encouragement, or distractions.
Provide emotional support in labour
Remain as close and intimate as you can, using loving words, and keep your movements slow, quiet, and steady. Be positive: praise her and don't criticize. If she wants to hear your voice, constantly tell her how well she's doing (how far dilated) and how she can relax herself. Tell her what the midwife is doing and what will soon happen. Also, help her to see how much she's achieved already - it's easy for her to be overwhelmed by how far she thinks she has to go. Massage and stroke her slowly, but if she just wants to hold your hand, you can encourage her by the expression on your face and lots of eye contact. Sometimes just the look of love in her partner's eyes can help a woman bear the pain of contractions.
Combat tiredness
Before labour, encourage her to rest as much as possible. If her labour is long and tiring, try to help her relax between contractions and save her energy for the second stage. If she's not feeling nauseous, provide her with any drinks or nourishment she wants.
Before labour, encourage her to rest as much as possible. If her labour is long and tiring, try to help her relax between contractions and save her energy for the second stage. If she's not feeling nauseous, provide her with any drinks or nourishment she wants.
Help your partner cope with pain
It's hard to see someone you care about in pain, but try not to show your anxiety as it could make her feel more worried. On the other hand, don't dismiss her suffering. Acknowledge it positively, telling her each contraction is bringing the baby's birth nearer, and make different suggestions for relief. Help her not to be embarrassed about saying what hurts - encourage her to be as uninhibited as possible. A woman in labour should never be ashamed of needing pain relief.
If she feels particularly anxious during a contraction, it might calm her fears to talk about how she felt before the next one starts. Don't take it personally if she's critical or aggressive towards you - this often happens when the pain is very intense.
Help with breathing
You'll probably have practised your partner's preferred method in antenatal classes, but let her follow her own rhythm. If she seems to lose control, stay close by and slowly guide her through the pattern until she's able to carry on alone. Be ready to adapt - very few people follow exactly what they practised at antenatal classes.
Make your partner comfortable
You can be a great help here. Suggest different positions and support her with cushions or blankets, or let her lean against you while you cuddle, and rock together. Look out for signs of tension in her neck, shoulders, or forehead, and gently stroke these areas. Massage may give some relief from pain, and if she's using visualization techniques, gently talk her through them. She'll probably find having her face and hands wiped very soothing, and give her ice cubes to suck. If she feels cold, help her put on socks, or leg warmers. As labour progresses she may want to talk less, but you can keep in touch by touching or caressing, or by using eye contact.
How your partner can help
A birth partner can do a lot to help you during labour, not only providing reassurance and comfort, but also dealing with staff. Try to remember that although the hospital uniforms and equipment may appear daunting, the medical team is there to support you.
Your birth partner can:
- answer questions for you (if allowed to by the staff), which saves you having your concentration disturbed
- support you in the positions you choose for pain relief and/or to give birth
- stroke and massage you if you find it comforting
- change the atmosphere (dim the lights, change the music) for you
- ask people to leave if there are too many in your personal space during a home birth, and ask any students present at a hospital delivery to leave if they are inhibiting you
- be the one you can really rely on to deal with the medical staff and to stand by your decisions on pain relief - whether to accept it or not, and if so, when and how much. If you do decide to ask for relief, he should encourage you to have a breathing space of 15 minutes before it's administered, as things can change quickly, and you may find you don't need it.
Posted 16.11.2010
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